We want our charitable giving dollars to matter, right? In his new book, Toxic Charity: How Churches and Charities Hurt Those They Help (And How to Reverse It), Robert Lupton proposes a new “Oath for Compassionate Services” that embraces six guidelines: Never do for the poor what they can do for themselves. Limit one-way giving to emergencies. Empower the poor through employment, lending and investing, using grants sparingly to reinforce achievements. Subordinate self-interest to the needs of those being served. Listen closely to those you seek to help. Above all, do no harm.Short-term mission trips are a case in point. We spend between $2.5-3 billion annually to produce little lasting change. Such trips often displace local labor and distract indigenous leaders from more important work. That’s not to say, “Don’t do them.” But we need to do them “smarter.”Years ago when our church planned to take one international trip annually, our friend/son Carlos (whom we met on a short-term mission trip) advised us to choose one sister church within driving distance and partner with them rather than going all over the world. And we took his advice.Over time, more than half of the members of our church in Dallas worshiped in the sanctuary of our sister church in border-town Nuevo Laredo, Mexico—an eight-hour drive away. Each year we returned, at their request, with a Christmas-box project similar to what Samaritan’s Purse does with Operation Christmas Child. And through the partnership of the American and Mexican church, we developed a give-and-take relationship.In the process we discovered it offended them when we stayed the night on the U.S. side of the border rather than living among them. So we started staying on the Mexico side. We learned that Spring Break—our most convenient time to go—was a terrible time for them. And a week was too long for them to have to make sure we got fed. They asked if we’d come over Christmas (our least convenient time) and stay four days. They explained that it was easier to feed our group when their own families were home for the holidays and a few extra mouths meant simply “throwing more beans in the big pot.” In March our presence distracted kids from school work; but over Christmas, we could provide needed events when the nationals’ family members were in town expecting Christmas programs and special dramas. In short, we worked on serving instead of being served. The result was that in the ten or so years we returned to Nuevo Laredo, we saw a mission-church planted in a high-poverty area. Last time we were there, that mission had its own building and their children presented a lovely musical Christmas program. Our sister church planted a church. In Kenya instead of putting a widow on monthly support, we get her a cow and help her find ways to provide her own support by selling the extra milk. And we’re not taking teams to help build a school, because they have their own laborers seeking work who can do a fine job of building a school. We do provide tuition for poor kids, because it's something they can't do for themselves.We’re still figuring it out, thinking through it, talking with the nationals, trying to assess the best way to help. But our experience suggests that Robert Lupton knows what he’s talking about.